What's the most valuable lesson you've learned in life, and how has it impacted your journey so far?

Sex! Lingerie! Knock knock jokes!

Before there was MAGA there was … the Comics Code Authority

In 1954 complete bastard and censorship campaigner Fredric Wertham published a book for the stated goal of creating a moral panic around comic book's alleged impact on juvenile delinquency. Much like the House Committee on Un-American Activities' disastrous impact on the film industry, the Comics Code Authority (obey, puny humans) put many hardworking comic book characters out of work all because of one poorly written book called …

What was the worst spanking you ever got? Why did you get it, and how was it given to you?

Of all the layoffs, Torchy Todd and her gal pal, Tess Parker, were hit the hardest.

And I ended up moonlighting in Japanese porn, but the less said about that the better.

Tess' boyfriend, Ed, now works as a Peter Lorre impersonator.

Why did my ex-narcissist move so fast with his new supply marriage engagement moving in, etc.?

In order to answer this I came up with a little story that goes like this …

Just you, me, in a vat of lime jello, pulling hair, calling each other names …

Marijuana makes Jesus cry!

What are some cool confidence hacks?

Remember, kids, masturbation will make you see the devil everywhere!

After you lather me up with that strawberry hand lotion.

Dick! I heard about the lay-off. What's a square-jaw crime fighter doing these days to bring in the bling?

How often do you watch the news on TV?

Shameless vixen! Trollop!

Times might be tough … But at least there's one thing we all agree on.

“Your boyfriend is a total perv, mommy.”

Will you share your wife? Can she take both of us at the same time?

I've also been making ends meet ... By appearing in Tijuana splatter comics as Evil Gringo #2.

Perhaps now we can explore what being a “gal pal” really means.

Torchy, we're unemployed … And no one is hiring scantily-clad wastrels these days.

Why am I losing interest to get a job and to all my desires because of this spiritual awakening? How do I get through life because of it?

Torchy thinks: Maybe I could play a gangster's moll since apparently smoking is still seen as wholesome and American.

Yes, Tess, crime doesn't pay but apparently Rated-G horror does.

Two letters of transit signed by General De Gaulle … Stimpy, you eediot!

How do military families balance personal political views with respect for civilian leadership?

Speaking of which, poor Cleo Coco has ended up appearing in anti-vice pamphlets.

Make Nazis afraid again!

Let's do what we always do, lay around half-naked while men make terrible jokes at our expense.

What is the most unwatchable movie you have sat through?

At least until the peyote kicks in ...

But Tess! I mean Betty! I mean Veronica! (I can never remember who is who) which ever one you are, I love you!

Every day is a good day to punch a Nazi! I mean MAGA! I mean the Comics Code Authority! (I can never remember who is who)

Why are Trump supporters so incredibly stupid?

Only zombies dig to rock and roll, daddy-O!

Gadzooks! It's Torchy Todd slumming it in Yugoslavian science fiction! The shame!

TEXT:

What is the naughtiest fantasy that you've lived out?

I hear you're a stunt-double now for Fred in Scooby-Doo.

Ironically, Wertham focused on stories about crime, singling out Batman and Robin for its gay subtext and Dick Tracy for its violence.

And then working as Betty and Veronica's body doubles ...

Why don’t people want the American Dream anymore - marriage, kids, a dog, and the white picket fence?

¡Explotando Dick por todos lados!